THE SOLO TRAVELLER
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The Loneliness Question – A Health and Wellbeing Series
Dan Auerbach, Clinical Director of Associated Counsellors and Psychologists, Sydney, Australia. Image supplied.
Loneliness as information, not a verdict
A conversation with Dan Auerbach, Clinical Director of Associated Counsellors and Psychologists, Sydney, Australia
Briefly …
Loneliness is not always something to overcome, and on a solo journey it can emerge quietly, in moments that are easy to overlook. Here, Dan Auerbach reframes loneliness not as failure, but as information – and explores what it means when the experience of travelling alone might not match the story we expect it to tell.
As Clinical Director of Associated Counsellors and Psychologists in Sydney, Australia, Dan Auerbach leads a team of over 40 psychologists and therapists. “We work daily with the emotional and relational consequences of loneliness”, Dan tells The Solo Traveller. “Loneliness is one of the most misunderstood experiences in modern life. It is not the same as being alone. Solitude can be restorative, even necessary. Loneliness, by contrast, is the felt absence of meaningful connection, and it can be present in a crowded room as easily as on a solo trip.”
“Loneliness … is the felt absence of meaningful connection, and it can be present in a crowded room as easily as on a solo trip.”
“What makes loneliness so psychologically potent is that it activates the same neural pathways as physical pain. This is not metaphor. The brain registers social disconnection as a threat to survival, because for most of human history, it was. This means loneliness does not simply make people sad. It makes them hypervigilant, self-protective, and paradoxically less likely to reach out, which deepens the cycle.
“For solo travellers, loneliness can surface in unexpected ways. The early days of a trip often carry momentum and novelty, but as routine sets in, the absence of a familiar person to share small moments with can become acute. It is not the dramatic moments that trigger it. It is the ordinary ones: a meal, a sunset, a confusing interaction with no one to debrief with afterward.
“The most useful reframe I offer is this: loneliness is information, not a verdict. It signals that your need for connection is unmet, which is worth attending to rather than suppressing. People who manage loneliness well tend to do three things. They name the feeling without catastrophising it. They distinguish between loneliness and aloneness, recognising that solitude chosen intentionally is psychologically different from isolation that feels imposed. And they seek micro-connections, brief, genuine exchanges with others, rather than waiting for deep intimacy to materialise.
“What does not help is the cultural pressure to frame solo experiences as inherently empowering. Sometimes travelling alone is hard. Acknowledging that is not weakness, it is honesty. The capacity to sit with loneliness without being consumed by it may be one of the more underrated forms of emotional resilience.”
“The capacity to sit with loneliness without being consumed by it may be one of the more underrated forms of emotional resilience.”
That idea that framing solo experiences as inherently empowering “does not help” invites a natural challenge. If acknowledging difficulty is not weakness but honesty – particularly with oneself – is that not, by its very nature, a form of empowerment? Or is the issue something else entirely: that independent travellers are being encouraged to feel empowered, whether or not that reflects their reality?
For Dan, the distinction is important. “The cultural framing I am referring to is the one that treats solo travel as inherently empowering; as though choosing to go alone automatically produces growth, confidence, or self-discovery. That narrative is everywhere in travel media, and while it is sometimes true, it is not always true.”
The consequence, he suggests, is subtle but significant. “The problem is that when someone is struggling with loneliness on a solo trip and that struggle does not match the story they were told to expect, they can end up feeling as though they are doing something wrong. The loneliness becomes a source of shame rather than just an experience to be managed.”
What he is pointing toward is something more measured than empowerment. “Honest acknowledgement of difficulty is not the same as being strengthened by it. A solo traveller who says ‘This is harder than I expected, and I am lonely’ is not demonstrating weakness. They are being clear-eyed about their experience, which is the first step toward actually responding to it well.”
“The distinction matters clinically because people who suppress or perform their way through loneliness tend to fare worse than those who name it. But naming it is not automatically empowering, it is just the less harmful choice.”
To learn more about Dan and the services of Associated Counsellors and Psychologists, visit their website https://www.counsellingsydney.com.au
You are not alone. If this topic resonates more deeply than expected, it may help to speak with someone you trust or reach out to a support service in your area.