THE SOLO TRAVELLER
Your world. Your way.
The Loneliness Question – A Health and Wellbeing Series
Photographer: Sergei Bezzubov | Unsplash.
The unexpected gift
In a world obsessed with finding “the one”, Doctor of Psychology and Mindset Coach Dr Marny Lishman is asking two important questions: “What if the most transformative relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself? What if being alone isn’t something to fix, but something to embrace?”.
Marny’s new book, Only You, arrives at a critical moment. With approximately one in six people worldwide reporting feelings of loneliness, the World Health Organization formally solidified loneliness and social isolation as a global public health priority in May 2025 through the adoption of the first-ever resolution on social connection.
Yet Marny argues that society’s rush to “fix your single status” may be making things worse. “We’ve been sold the story that happiness requires a partner”, Marny tells us, “that being single is a waiting room, a problem to solve, a gap to fill. But being alone doesn't equate to feeling lonely, in the same way that not being alone doesn’t guarantee you won’t feel lonely.”
Drawing on fifteen years of clinical experience as a Psychologist, as well as her own journey through heartbreak and extended singledom, Marny provides readers at any stage of their solo journey with practical, evidence-based tools for distinguishing between being alone and being lonely (including ‘101 Lovely Things to Do When You're Alone’), healing from heartbreak and building lasting emotional resilience, creating a fulfilling life independent of romantic partnership, and developing the inner strength to choose future relationships more wisely.
“The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one that you have with yourself, and yet many of us haven’t stopped to spend enough time in that relationship.”
In our exclusive excerpt, Marny’s solo wanderings through London reveal how stepping away from expectation and into solitude can awaken a deeper sense of freedom, self-trust, and the quiet pull of one’s own inner compass.
An edited excerpt from Only You (John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd, 2026). Words by Dr Marny Lishman. Reproduced with permission from John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd. © 2026. M Lishman Consulting Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.
Chapter 12: Follow Your Compass
At the ripe young age of 23, after completing my university undergraduate studies, I donned a backpack and headed to the UK. I was sharing a house with about 12 (give or take) overzealous New Zealanders. You’d think being the only Australian in a house full of Kiwis would have meant instant bonding over our shared Antipodean roots, but nope—I was the odd one out.
On the weekends, I’d get up early, climb over the sleeping bodies strewn all over the house, grab my backpack and go wandering, getting lost on the streets of London. I was happy going off on my own adventure—¬alone—going wherever I wanted to go, doing whatever I wanted to do, and only stopping to connect with a dear friend of mine from Australia every few weeks, where we laughed, admired good-looking men and ate our way through famous cities.
But for the most part, I was able to walk my own path. And it was fabulous. I was completely free from family expectations and away from the shackles of what I should be doing—whatever that ‘should’ might have been. I wasn’t responsible for anyone or anything. I took spontaneous adventures and had surreal moments when I thought, “No one on Earth knows where I am right now”.
I followed my curiosity through the streets, historic buildings, museums, parklands … way more than I followed any plans. I stumbled upon interesting streets with decaying houses, crumbling graveyards and centuries-old shopfronts. There was an exhilarating kind of anonymity, a freedom to exist without being accountable to anyone. It was liberating to be unattached and unencumbered, and to realise I could steer myself in any direction I chose, wayfaring my own path through life for a while. My housemates were having a great time with themselves (literally), but my inner compass pulled me away from the group I was living with and instead led me down tourist-free cobblestoned streets, where I became lost in places that felt like they belonged only to me, in that moment.
That gap year, of sorts, taught me more than I could have imagined. It was less about ticking off the tourist sites or doing what you’re supposed to do as a young traveller in Europe, and more about discovering what it feels like to truly be living on your own terms. As a mental health professional, I think so many people could benefit from an experience like that. I’d love to be able to write a prescription for people that says, ‘Take off on an adventure alone and see where it leads you’ or ‘You don’t need these pills; what you need is to just nick off alone for a bit and see how you feel after that’. Maybe it would give them the chance to listen to their own voice, without interruption, and see where it takes them.
Being alone, at least for a little while, is a chance to discover who you really are outside of everybody else. Who are you without any external expectations placed on you? What really matters to you that is different to what you grew up believing? What do you value and is it different to the other people in your life? Being by yourself gives you a chance to be who you are when no one is watching—and that is because no one is watching! And it allows you to get comfortable with all parts of you, instead of hiding what you think the world needs you to keep hidden. Little moments of aloneness, short periods or long, can give you those moments. When you are alone, you are sensing your way through each day, rather than using a map that has been drawn by someone else. You are intentionally enjoying life in real time and then being guided to listen to and feel whatever you are drawn towards.
Being alone for a while, without anyone else telling you which direction to take or requiring you to compromise, is something all of us should experience, even briefly. Stepping out into the world on your own, immersing yourself in new environments, can help you rediscover who you are (or discover yourself for the very first time).
Putting yourself in unfamiliar situations, meeting new people, trying new activities, making mistakes and even getting completely lost on your own can strengthen your inner ability to navigate life. Over time, these experiences help you build a more trustworthy inner compass—one that guides you toward a more aligned direction.
You don’t know what you like or what you don’t like until you try it. Being intentionally curious puts you in situations that can awaken what may be dormant inside you, so you can find out what lights you up and see where it takes you. Often, this can only happen when you are alone.
About the author
Dr Marny Lishman is a Doctor of Psychology, author, speaker, mindset coach, and media commentator. A nurturer at heart, she draws on a deep understanding of the human condition to create impactful learning and development experiences. She combines positive psychology with practical tools and a strong focus on prevention, delivering keynotes, masterclasses, and workplace programs. Her mission is to equip people with psychological skills to build adaptability, capability, and resilience in a fast-changing world. Her books include Burnout to Brilliant, Crisis to Contentment, and her latest release, Only You.
